Bitten

Breathe, just breathe. You’re almost home.

I pulled into the garage, hysterical after leaving the pet hospital. My puffy tearstained eyes looked back at me in the rearview mirror. I kept hearing Dr. A’s voice telling me that Diego could kill somebody and that he is unstable, unpredictable—all things adding up to a push to get rid of my dog. I thought of everything I had bought to prepare for bringing him home. She would even write something to the rescue to try to help get some money back…that was about as close as we got to her being considerate of my emotional well-being. Her write up that she sent with me said it all. Diego just paced around, popping his head into the front seat to check on me.

I pulled open the door to the house, allowing him to run upstairs. Purvasha came to greet me at the steps, but her expression changed as she got a closer look at me. I tried to start explaining, but couldn’t calm down, still mid-anxiety attack. She decided to call my sister to come over.

Footsteps reached the stairs, and when Brittany stepped into the entryway Diego made a low guttural sound and erupted. So there we were—me sobbing and trying to catch my breath, him barking up a storm, and everyone frozen in place not sure what to do.

I grabbed his leash and pulled him across the room while Britt hesitantly moved to the opposite side trying to create space. While I choked out the words to describe what happened, he yanked my arm and growled for her to leave. Britt’s face showed a mix of fear and a desire to comfort me, but she couldn’t even come close. It was hard to hear with all the commotion and difficult to de-escalate the situation. We finally determined she would have to leave.

She convinced me to take the next day off; my first time since I had started my new job. Once I messaged my boss for approval, she was okay to go. She wanted to hug me but stayed away, letting me know she was there for me. Diego had quieted after she left, and I went to shower and get ready for another sleepless night. I was afraid to have him stay in my room with how worked up he had been.

Thursday started with a pounding headache. I messaged Akansha, his foster, and updated her on the situation. She reminded me that he needed to decompress, and I went into Googling and YouTubing everything to know about decompression. I replayed the vet’s words in my head over and over, watching each of Diego’s moves for confirmation that she was right or wrong. All the while, I was concerned about if I was feeding him right and his health.

Diego had been sneezing since I got him, and occasionally coughing out clear mucus. I didn’t even get to talk to Dr. A about that to make sure he didn’t have Kennel Cough or Pneumonia or something. He wasn’t eating or drinking much, and regularly spat any food he did put in his mouth back out on the floor as if he thought I was going to poison him. I was angry, tired, and confused, but Friday was a going to be a new day.

The next day I worked from home, happy not to get ready and face people. Most everyone was still going into the office, which was not normal everywhere because of Covid. I took Diego out and tried to feed him. He followed me from place to place as I got ready, just wanting to be near. As I worked high from my standing desk he laid by my feet. From time to time, I would reach down to pet him or rub his belly.

I had been patient when Diego came home earlier in the week and let him come to me before I started petting him. He opened up and seemed comfortable with us at home. My siblings had even taken him on a couple walks while I was in the office, so as long as we kept him home to decompress things would be okay.

Purvasha walked into my bedroom to check in on us. Diego was curled up next to my chair. She bent down and reached to pet him like always and then—!!! She quietly pulled back holding her hand and I asked what was wrong.

He bit her!

She was calm, not wanting to cause a scene and make things worse. We were both shocked. He hadn’t even barked, but rather speedily nipped her hand and she was bleeding. Dr. A’s words rang in my ears. He’s unpredictable. He could kill someone. Is she right? What am I going to do now?

What I wish I knew then

You know how things can trigger memories of different experiences?

There are good triggers, such as how the smell of brownies might remind you of being at your sweet grandma’s house, or when you hear that country song and it takes you back to bathing in the summer sun on a pontoon. There are also bad experiences that can be triggered, such as seeing an ex across the room that things had gotten ugly with at the end, who you just want to avoid and escape. That is closer to the experience Diego had in today’s post.

Diego had multiple triggers stack up on his day at the vet—a new hospital, new people, getting handled for vaccinations, etc. His stress was increasing in layers.  When I took him home and was having a losing battle with anxiety, he wanted to scare away anything that was causing stress. He was afraid. When Brittany came over, he reacted. The more time we allowed her to be the focus of his reactivity and fear, the more we reenforced an association between his triggers and her.

As much as I needed my sister, I wish I could do that night differently. They’ve had a tenuous relationship since, not for lack of trying. It’s hard to feel safe with a dog that has given you reasons to be afraid, and for him it’s hard to trust someone who feels uneasy around him.

It’s important to notice and learn your dog’s triggers, and understand when they are stacking up. I’ll explain that more in the future. Associations with places, people, smells, and sounds all matter as you get to know your dog. What you want to create is positive reinforcement.

Every time Diego sees his aunt he should hear happy voices, get treats, and feel like he is in a safe place. Each time he has a good experience increases his positive connection. If he sees her—cheering. Calmly steps towards her—treat. Lays down in her presence—more treats. The change doesn’t happen overnight. That’s why it’s reinforcement. But the point is that it can happen.