Walks had always been a source of peace for me, a way to decompress from the day and work through some thoughts. When I was furloughed months before, I strolled around a nearby lake several times a week, watching the swans grow up and prepare to fly away for the winter. The turtles would sunbathe and swim gently below the lily pads. The woods around smelt like fresh leaves. It was my time for exercise. It was therapeutic. It was easy.
Easy—ha! Nothing felt easy between the stress of having Diego, living through a pandemic, and adjusting to my new job.
Diego was always excited to go outside! He happily bounced around the door as I tried to grab his collar and put on his leash. Our group classes had talked about working on our breathing to stay calm and be patient. I needed to build more time in and not rush Diego. I sat on the bench, waiting for him to sit down for me to put on the leash. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes I just needed to get to work on time that day and grabbed the collar and to put it on.
Some days he pulled me forward while heavily panting, and no regard for the strain on his neck. Other days he happily trotted along with is little ears flopping back and tail wagging. We no longer were using the harness, due to what was recommended in our class. It doesn’t help with correcting poor walking habits.
We still hadn’t figured out how to handle our situation. I knew we would have a couple “freak out” moments since there were so many people on the trails in the neighborhood. According to Adam, the group trainer, if you’re already tightening on the leash then you’ve already lost. Diego needed to feel that I was relaxed and in control.
One day we walked to the lake and made our way through the woods. We were about to cross paths with a man and his dog, and the space was narrow. Diego stood at a tension, and couldn’t hear a word that I said. I yelled forward to let the man know that my dog needed space, but he kept walking closer to us. I stood bracing myself to keep control of the leash, already knowing that Diego would lunge forward only to have his neck restrained. I hope he doesn’t get hurt.
The man approached, “Oh, can we say hi and meet your dog?” Read the room buddy! I said stay back. He came closer still, and Diego growled and tried to tear away towards them. The leash pulled my arms in several directions as I grasped tightly, pleading for the man to walk by quickly. He stared in shock, and eventually went by. Move along. There’s nothing to see here.
Shortly after we stepped aside onto a dock, and Diego surveyed the area with his innocent puppy eyes. An older gentleman looked over spoke to us. “What a handsome dog. What’s his name…Diegoooo, does he know some Spanish? Sientate. What a good boy. He’s definitely a keeper.” I’m not so sure about that, but it’s nice to hear that someone thinks so.
We went around the lake again, this time Purvasha holding the leash. We reached that same narrow part of the woods and there was a different man with his medium sized pup. Diego was at a tension and I was worried that Purvasha had too much leash extended. The man came closer and Diego reacted. I stepped between them, thinking Diego wouldn’t do anything to me even though when he’s in that state he can be almost blind to what’s happening. The man gawked, and took his sweet time walking by. I could see all the judgement in his face. Judging my dog. Judging me. Could he walk by any slower? Just go past already so that he can calm down!
Once things quieted, I noticed a sting. Diego had bitten by knee when I got in between them! It hurt, but I had thick pants on and it wasn’t bleeding. It just bruised for some time. It was more frustrating than anything.
I told Adam the trainer about it in my next class as tears welled up. “It’s just so hard, I don’t know if I can do it.” Him and the other trainer kept looking at Diego roll playfully on the floor next to me and inferring that he clearly loves me and is in the right home. In the same minute, he would catch another dog baring its teeth and fly off the handle again. We switched to the treat game where the dog has to ask for permission. Adam decided to work with Diego. He held the treat and was going to wait for Diego to show all the signs of gentle eyes and a submissive disposition. Instead, Diego nipped his hand! Ugh!
I asked if Adam was okay and he responded with, “I’ve had worse than this.” Again…do I need insurance for this type of thing? Did a sign a release form? Can I get in trouble? He went back to the office to fill out some paper work per protocol. He told me that he talked with the woman from the rescue about Diego on the phone. He thought Diego was trainable, but it’s my choice.
I went home, a wreck. My pastor had done a sermon on how “the middle is miserable.” This means that when you’re in the middle on a decision, it can make your life very difficult. Being in the middle constantly about keeping my dog, or surrendering him was excruciating. What’s more is the thought of giving up, but I contacted the rescue about his surrender.
I had to fill out multiple forms, rating his bites on a scale. Was there contact? Was there a puncture? Was there blood? Did he rip off a limb? Okay, I’m semi-exaggerating but not really. If I fill this out accurately, will they put him down? This is terrible.
I submitted the forms and all there was left to do was wait.
Ding. I had a voicemail. “Megan this Whitney from Best Friends, I’m calling to talk to you about Diego.”
Here we go, someone is taking him. Everything is going to change.
What I wish I knew then
Slower is faster.
That’s what our new personal dog trainer said. It’s better to remove the triggers and then work on slowly building your dog’s training. It’s not about taking Diego for a long walk to tire him out despite how many people we run into. It would be better to take him out for a short moment and avoid any walkers/triggers that we can.
Walks were a series of wins and losses. Anytime we passed someone without a reaction—VICTORY! Every time we walked past someone and he lunged—LOSER! FAILURE! You’re always going to be a danger. That’s no way to live…
What I want to share is some tips for people who want to help those of us working with reactive dogs.
- Don’t be offended if we cross the street to avoid you. I am trying to keep my dog calm. It has nothing to do with you. If you’ve seen us out and turn and walk the other way or cross the street—Thank you!! Even more so if you do it without giving me the stink eye. Some people now recognize Diego and his struggle. It’s helpful when they keep distance.
- If you are running, please don’t go past us closely. We might not hear you from behind, and it surprises Diego. He’ll try to lunge for you and it’s not because he’s just “excited” to see you. Please go around or shout ahead. I also will try to move over.
- Don’t whistle at my dog, approach him after I’ve asked for you to stay back, or wave your hands out towards him thinking you are the dog whisperer. I’m the one who goes home with him and needs to deal with his stress levels afterwards. It’s honestly better if you ignore him completely. Lot’s of eye contact and addressing him can be seen as a challenge when he doesn’t know you. It’s better for him to come to you.
- Please put your dog on a leash. It does not matter how nice your dog is. It’s the law, and if your curious dog is free roaming and comes over to say hello to Diego on his leash and gets bitten…guess who still is the victim? Your dog. Guess who could have prevented that from happening. You. I’m doing all I can to train this guy and keep him alive. If you’re a dog lover, I hope that you want him to have a long life too and can help in this small way.
That last one is not intended to sound like a rant, but a lot of risks can be avoided when we keep our dogs on a leash and try to look out for each other.
Megan Kiecker 